battle

My aunt moved into my house recently…..it was my idea that she did that….. she did chemotherapy eventually…..after the recommendation of doctor…..

She was injected with toxins, two huge syringes of that!!!! Because she has the final phase of lung cancer……which means the cancer cells have spread to other parts of the body, in her case, to the neck and oesophagus area….

Well……..we were told that she might not make it till this year…….

( )

Errr……I wanted to stop blogging, wanted to leave it blank…..(which made me stared at the computer screen for about half an hour and………but I decided to continue!!!! Argh!!! What’s wrong with you, lynette!!!!!)

Major side effects of chemotherapy:

Dizziness, nausea, hair loss, pain in almost every parts of body, high fever (high body temperature), sometimes trembling, the inflammation of the urethra and anus, cough, menopause (for a short period), sometimes itchiness……….(actually these are all symptoms of low immunity)

Have you figure out why I did that….

At first I was kinda felt uneasy with her presence…..(I know I was contradicting…..but for god’s sake!!!! I want to do something, I think it’s my obligation to do that too!!!!)……but now, after the whole night with her, it’s getting quite okay……

We even bought her a nice mattress to sleep in my room, air conditioned…… this is the best our family can do…….

(hey, she just passed by the screen…..asked me what am I doing….”nothing, its my homework….hey, I play you some nice Chinese songs to chill yourself up”……..she liked them!!!)

The treatment she did this afternoon actually wasn’t a big help at all……there’s only3/10 probability that she will heal….but lung cancer is one of the difficult cases to crack…..and the source of the cancerous cells will not be completely eradicated…..

I’ve seen her medical report, she done surgery of eliminating cancerous cells from her neck earlier, her type of lung cancer is categorized as non-small cell, and to be exact, squamous cell….and she’ll have to do five more chemotherapies………

(she even showed “two thumbs up!!!” listening songs…..haha…..sometimes she got sense of humour…..hope she’ll be in good shape……I’ll keep her optimistic at most time…..finger crossed tightly for her…….)

XOXOXOXOXOXXXXXXXX

Lynette yuan

attention females!!!!!

I’m a frank person, and seriously, I can’t stand it anymore…..

I hate period!! Actually is the PMS things that make me headache…..

Why I should suffer from this?! The twisting and churning of my tummy just enough for me to halt everything I want to do..... well, it isn’t serious now compare to last two years ago.... maybe it was because that I had to cope with the choking examination and tuition schedules, that caused me stress and irregular period.....phewww....glad that was over....

But it relapsed last moth.....(sobbing).....

At first, my tummy got the weird feeling of twisting…..felt like my intestines were all tangled up in many knots…..ouchh!!! then it continued with the stomach cramp…….oohhhhh……and finally I ended up lying in my bed all day long…..(god………lord……..)

(truth is that I can felt my uterus was being ripped off from my vagina…..)

I just curled into the foetus form in my bed, try to soothe myself….i can’t barely moved a bit…..horrible indeed……

Mommy told me that I should consume some nutrients-contained capsules to relieve the pain…..the result will only be seen after several months of intake….and so I did….(‘cause I’m an obedient grrlllll….hehe)

And it worked well, my PMS pain wasn’t so serious anymore…..(I don’t know why it worked so fast for me, it just took a month!!)

For grlllssss out there, try evening primrose capsules!!! They can be found in your nearby drug stores, or just consult professionals to get one…

They can balance up hormones that control PMS and can even beautify your skin.....

It was my fault that I don’t want to reveal my problems to anyone because I thought it was embarrassing….and please don’t make the same mistake as me…..don’t be afraid to ask anything about these, because it’s part of knowledge that every women should know….and I am sharing this to all of you (including guys….what’s wrong? Maybe you can understand what’s your partners or friends go through….)

Browsing through the internet to know more also helps to have a clearer picture about this, but hey!!!! Not the blue websites!!!!! If you want to surf that, then I have nothing to do with that!!!!! I repeat, “I didn’t encourage the improper usage of internet!!!!”

If your pc ever infected by viruses, it’s totally not my fault!!! It’s you who can’t control yourself……haha…

(then you deserve it…..lol!!!)

XD......

i've been hooked up by cosmetics recently ('cause i'm kinda bored....), i know......people do change.....

i used to hate dressing up and put all those powdery stuff on my face...this all changed when my cousin persuaded me....haha....

well, i'm still a newbie in this thing, the pictures are my "bold" attempts to do myself a make-over....(which means i 'm dare to upload them here....)

actually, i consider make up is some knowledge that every girls (or women) should learn.......don't get disgusted by the girly-stuff, well.....that's what girls do......XD.....

turn back the time

i've done some so-called researches on university students' lives, just to prepare myself for the time to come.........god!!! most of them are busy, as usual, so can rarely chat with them online and will have to wait for a very long time for them to reply messages......these tell me that their schedule are full with assignments, tests, quizzes and other activities, so they have to save some time for their leisure activities......(oh gosh...i've feel so much relaxing after the grueling stpm, and now these.....)(sigh).....i know, i know......another hectic life for me again....and some of my seniors told me that it's all depends on how you manage your time (of course, who don't know that anyway..)....they told me to even enjoy it!!!!!!!

yup......enjoy every bit of your 4 or 5 years (for me) of university's life!!!!!!! so that you have something worth remember and rejoice when you entering adult hood (erm...i'm already a woman now...haha...this is like a saying for most people...).......

even in taiwan, they say if you enter university, just play for 4 years!!!!

er......you can't really describe it that way.....last time, i was being so "ignorant" and even asked seniors about that....and they scolded me.....aww man...i was so innocent.....hahaha.....(they replied: play play play, you think what?! other people think that way and you shouldn't ma.....)

=="

this is in the joking matter la....don't misunderstand about that......my seniors are nice and decent fellows!!!! (see, i praised you....)

oh well, in the end, you'll just have to go through this yourself to experience this......

and maybe..............

maybe...............

or just maybe.............

i'll discover some unexpected things in my university life.....

and maybe, i rediscover this blog and have a good laugh about how silly and yet curious i was after 5 years........

p.s.: this is for future lynette yuan, it's the special thought that you have that shape your world.....if there's someone who can't understand you, just do what is best for you and your loved ones......i know you can!!!

by silly old lynette yuan XOXOXXXXXXXXX

infatuation

(typing.....fast.....)（mouse clicking.....)

and suddenly...

*cough* *cough*....okay...continue blogging.....(typing.....)

*cough**cough**cough*...........(drink water).......(continue typing....)

*cough**cough**cough*...(x several times........)

(goodness......when will i gonna stop doing that....)

*cou..............(bang!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

huh?!

what......the door opened....(the cricking sound.....'cause it's old, the hinge made the noise)

"mom?! what is it??" i was obviously startled by her emergence into my study room, eyes were wide opened behind my spectacle.....

"honey, i want you to come out right now, stop doin' your surfing or blugging, i mean it, now"

"mom, it's blogging" "okay, whatever is it, just come out from the room.....

(gosh, i was wondering what's with her that time,why does she always have to do something the dramatical way.....ya, i meant it...i always think she's the drama queen in my house...that was my thought last time)

i just came out.....coughing.....and my throat started to hurt.....

*coug.....

a warm yet gentle hands touched my back.....(i looked up by surprise)....she pat me when i was coughing quite seriously while going out.....and huh???!!!

my attention was drawn to the cup on the table, lukewarm jasmine tea prepared just for me......."do you feel any pain in the chest area? if so, i'll prepare some chinese herbal tea tomorrow, be sure you have to drink it or your health get worsen day by day."

"i... er....i... er....okay, i'll promise you." my eyes stick to my mom, and then without hesitation, i drank the tea.

"thanks mom!!!"

okay, continue typing......but i couldn't.....

the sweet smell of the tea lingering in my mouth, the warmth that grasped my heart, those were the ones that control me from continue blogging......

uhhhh.......it's always the body language which express love.....it always touches me........

clearing it up

Local or oversea?? Local or oversea?? Friend #1 said this, friend #2 said that, friend #3 said this and that, friend #4 said either, friend #5 said others, friend #6 said none of the above…..

Ahhhhhhh………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

(running around, jumping up and down, toss in the bed left and right, eat this and that just to figure that out….)

Sorry, I didn’t do any of the above, including screaming my lungs out…I wouldn’t do these to entertain you…..i just typed it for fun…..(lol)….besides, it’s not my style…..

Okay, cut the crap out…..i was confusing where to choose….you readers may think: duhh….i know every graduated students have the same problem as you, so what’s the big deal here??

Well, it’s a huge, massive and gigantic issue to me….as I’ve tried to gather as much information about this, there’s more confusion rising…..(sigh)

I was chatting using msn with a senior who study in Singapore, erm….let’s call him Tom (as he reminds me of cats, hey, if you….yes you, my Singapore senior read this, hope you don’t mind me calling you that as i want to protect your identity....hehe…you also know why I’m giving you this nickname)

He said that I should get out of here as soon as possible….it’ll ruin your life if you stay there much longer….well, Tom also admitted that he has some prejudice against this country, but it’s for my own good sake…he told me some “truths” behind a veil that blinded me for believing the country serve people well in many ways…Tom said all the students here only recite what’s on the books or text and then “vomit” them all out in quizzes and exams….and if not mention the ranking of the universities here, they just don’t do much research compare to others and if they do, most of them are diverted from the real cases…. and i would really want to do some research rather than an exam machine, what’s the use of promoting life-long learning in this country if not doing it??!!??…there are also things which I can’t say much here…or I’ll be arrested…which I’m too young for that!!!

And I’ve heeded some advise from others too, not only him…I also not well prepared for being separated from home……………...

Well, some things have decided now…..and I know exactly what to do……

message from within

i was feeling depressed past these few days…..well, due to some family issues that happened to be quite annoying…….they all affected me indirectly…and also directly.…i wanted to “write” blogs last sunday but i could not even move my fingers on the keyboard…….but something quite unusual happened today which changed my outlook…….

Woke up in the morning, about 10a.m. (yes, i like to toss around in my comfortable bed first before get my butt up)……..the golden sun ray shone through the window and it felt warm……i took a deep breath…..just try to forget all those nuisance….and suddenly a thought flashed through my mind…..”hey, lynette, it will gonna be okay, trust me, it will…”….huh?? like there was a voice told me this, it sounded assured, but i’m not that convinced by such simple statement there…..”you don’t even know what i’m facing now, who will ever understand???? Who??? i don’t have anyone to confide now”….(what i mean here is that i don’t wanna trouble anyone as they all busy studying in colleges, working, or maybe doing something that they really enjoy, who am i to ruin everything??? Besides, i don’t want everyone to think that i’m psychotic…you want me to ring them and say: oh, I got two relatives who’s going to *** soon…can you say something to make me feel better….uhh….gee….)

“yes, i may not know the real you, but i know you can go through these harsh times…..”

Frowning………

My goodness…that was the weirdest feeling I ever have in my life…i hope i’m not crazy, or having schizophrenia, or personality disorders…..

And later that afternoon, my mom came home with a name card in her hand, trembling with excitement……rarely see her that way….

“mommy, what are you up to??” “why don’t you take a look at this…..i can see some silver linings now…” replied me, passing that card over to me…..

The card written: mr. woo, specialized in treating cancer, body itch and diabetes, using traditional Chinese method…..

Mom said one of my distant relatives got recovery from uterus cancer a long long time ago after several visits to this 60-year old healer, it will truly work for my aunt…..what can I say more, woa…..haha….chemotherapy for my aunt would be suffering…..and consider the cost of this treatment…..and now, without any side effects, she can have a chance to become her well being again…..healthy…..

Thank god!!!!!!

That voice…..which came out of nowhere……hey, where are you??

Is that true?? When almost all our hopes are gone, when we are desperate, there comes a miracle….haha…i’m not exaggerated here, to me, it’s like a miracle, which happens once in a while….well, which I thought only in movies…..maybe it’s time for me to believe in such “absurd” thing now….

Hello, where are you…hey, come out, i wouldn’t scold you like I did last time…..oohhh….never mind, i’m gonna leave you a message, thanks for being my guidance, i know you just want me to be optimistic in my life, not to worry so much….but you can’t change me in just a day time, but i’ll try my best to do so…..

p.s. I’m perfectly sane….i’ve passed the Rorschach test with excellence….hehe…